They weren't supposed to be together
by LetterRead
Summary: They weren't supposed to be together, Scorpius had known that for as long as they had been together and had been attempting to deny it ever since. It was time to wake up now, time to face the real world. Could 'I love you' ever be enough? NEXT GEN AS/S
1. 1: Goodbye love

**They weren't supposed to be together**

"So how'd it go?" Albus was asked the minute he stepped out of the floo back at his own apartment. He had just returned from a fairly stressful dinner with his family, and had, for some reason, expected a little less pressure upon returning home. Apparently he had no such luck.

"How did _what _go?" The Potter's middle child responded innocently as he looked around in the hopes of catching the eye of his interrogator. Albus was always keen to prolong the agony for as long as he possibly could.

"Al!" Scorpius Malfoy was perched on the bay windowsill with his arms folded tightly across his chest. The room was poorly lit, Albus noticed only now, with just the light from the streetlamp outside illuminating the well-furnished area. However, Albus needed no light whatsoever in order to know the look of exasperation and loathing etched on the paler man's face.

"Oh crap yeah! I'm so sorry Score I completely forgot. I knew there was _something_!" If he hadn't known any better, Scorpius might actually have believed that. The words seemed to slip from the raven haired man's tongue so easily, his lying technique having been perfected over the years. He could fool anyone with his words, well, almost anyone. Not Scorpius, never Scorpius. The blonde gave a huff of contempt before he was marching his way out of the living room and through to the second bedroom.

"Wait- Score," Albus was hot on his heels, navigating his way through the darkness that his eyes had not yet adjusted to, "I'm really sorry I forgot, I-"

"Oh give me a break Albus," Scorpius snapped, not turning to look at him as he spoke, "I may be many things, but stupid is not one of them."

"I know, I-"

"You know I hate it when you lie to me," Scorpius knelt down, beginning to search for something beneath 'his' bed. Albus knew it was impossible to persuade the blonde when he was like this, he knew that he'd never get him to calm down or listen. Scorpius Malfoy only listened when Scorpius Malfoy decided it was time to listen, Albus shouldn't have been foolish enough to dispute this fact. But he was.

"I'm sorry. But-"

"I'm so _sick_of your sorry's. Enough! I don't want to have to listen to them anymore," Taking a break in his search, Scorpius drew himself up to his full height (about an inch shorter than Albus) and looked up into the younger boy's emerald eyes, "You _promised_this wouldn't happen again. You promised that you'd tell them." Albus didn't have a response to that one, he never did. After all, they had had this argument a shameful number of times before. "I'm tired of your stupid promises. That's all you are these days, insincere apologies and empty fucking promises!"

Scorpius turned away to continue his search, leaving Albus at a loss for words. What was he supposed to say now? Scorpius was right, of course he was right. So why didn't Albus do something about it? Why couldn't he fix it and take away the only thing that ever seemed to come between them, time and time again. At last, Scorpius pulled out a large duffel bag from beneath the bed and hurried to his wardrobe to pull out a few choice pieces of clothing.

"What are you doing?" Albus asked in shock, not wanting to hear the answer, fearing what he knew it must be.

The blonde haired man had to take a deep breath before responding, "I'm leaving."

"What? No. You can't," Albus reached out for the man's pale shoulder, but Scorpius shrugged him off quickly. Sure they had fought, they had argued about this on far too many occasions to keep count. Sure, Scorpius had said he would leave if they didn't sort it out, but Scorpius _said_ a lot of things. He wasn't supposed to actually act on everything he said, he wasn't supposed to start packing up his things and what- leave? Forever? No. That wasn't supposed to happen at all.

"You didn't think I would, did you?" Scorpius whirled around so he was face to face with the brunette, his eyes were burning with so much rage and passion. He knew what Albus was thinking, knew that he hadn't anticipated this. Well maybe it was exactly what he needed, "Always said I'd leave you didn't I? Gave you fair warning."

"But you-" Albus tried to speak, but his small, worried voice was interrupted by Scorpius' own, as loud and sharp as ever.

"What? Didn't think I'd have the bottle? Thought you had me wrapped around your little finger?" Scorpius was snarling now, he knew that what he was saying wasn't wholly true, but he couldn't seem to stop himself now. Maybe that wasn't exactly the way Albus would be thinking about it, but he wasn't far off. Albus had always expected him to come running, to be the first to apologise, to do exactly as he said. And like a fool he had, for much too long. It was time to make a change.

"No it's not like th-"

"DON'T LIE TO ME! You thought that you could get away with your constant drone of 'I'm sorry' and 'I'll tell them next week' and 'Let's leave it until after Christmas'? Well you've been getting away with that for four years now Albus!" Not usually one to grow angry, Scorpius was quick to calm himself, beginning to stuff his clothes into the bag and leaving Albus to gather his thoughts. The younger of the two Potter sons opened his mouth several times to respond, but words seemed to fail him even as Scorpius made his way into the bathroom to pick up his toothbrush and hair products.

When the blonde returned, Albus had just about found his feet, "Scorpius please don't leave. Please you can't. It won't happen again. It won't. I promise." Scorpius laughed, there was that word again, 'promise'. It didn't seem to mean anything any more- not between the pair of them. The word had been used and abused much too often for it to carry any further weight. Enough was enough.

"You know Al, it was _alright_ in sixth year when it was just a bit of this and that," Scorpius made a vague hand gesture, pausing in his packing once more to return his attentions to the distraught looking man in front of him, "And it was _alright_ in seventh year when you told me that you loved me for the first time. You know it was even alright last year when we moved in together, but now I- I just can't hack it anymore."

"I know Score. I know and if you let me- just-" Albus wanted to explain the whole thing away, like he had done so many times before. But now, under this kind of anger Scorpius was portraying and the kind of pressure he felt just trying to convince the blonde to stay with him, Albus felt guiltier than ever. He had been wrong, he knew it and he had done all manner of selfish things anyway. He had hurt the man he was in love with out of fear. He was a coward and a liar, and he should be thoroughly ashamed of himself. And he was.

"_What_? You've said it too many times now Al," Despair now creeping into Scorpius' voice as he spoke, it was clear that the anger was dissipating, "I'll tell them tomorrow, I'll tell them next week. What was it you said this morning? I'll tell them at dinner? I'm not _asking_ for a big revelation- I don't need for you to tell the whole world. A simple, 'Mum I'm gay,' would be a fine start."

"You know it's not as easy as that," Albus felt slightly ill as the words escaped his lips so effortlessly. He shouldn't be defending himself now, he should be begging for forgiveness, hoping and praying that he could somehow make this right.

"Of course I know it's not easy," Scorpius was trying not to melt, trying to remain strong, but his resolve seemed to be slipping now. It was growing ever closer to the moment when he'd have to take that final step, when he'd have to actually do what he had been threatening to do for the past however long. He was going to have to leave, _actually_ go and never look back. Now Scorpius was unsure if he could keep _his_ promise, "But your mother is one of the kindest, gentlest and most understanding women I have ever met. You know full well that she wouldn't bat an eyelid at-"

"I know Score. Really I do, and I've tried to tell her," Why was he defending himself? Why was he doing this? Albus couldn't help it, he needed Scorpius to understand, he needed for him to know that he _wanted_ to keep his promises. He really _had_ tried to tell his family, although in honesty he had probably not tried hard enough. Looking back on his actions was embarrassing, heartbreaking and he knew that he didn't deserve Scorpius. He had never deserved him, "But I open my mouth and nothing comes out. Honestly. It's so terrifying that I-"

"Stop it. Albus, stop it. This isn't fair," Why did he insist on making this difficult? Why couldn't the brunette just shut up and accept that maybe he was at fault just for once in his life? Scorpius wanted to forgive him, to give him another chance, with all of his heart he did. But it wasn't _fair_. It wasn't fair on himself, and it certainly wasn't fair on Albus.

"I'm sorry." It wasn't fair. Albus knew that he wasn't being _fair_, this had gone on for too long now, he had inflicted too much pain, "I'm sorry, just- just, please don't leave me."

"How _dare_ you say that?" The anger, which had subsided earlier, was returning to Scorpius now in leaps and bounds.

"I-I'm sorry," Albus was quick to amend his statement, hearing the anger rising in Scorpius' voice; the very last thing he wanted to do right now was make things any worse than they already were. By now, he was having a great deal of trouble controlling himself, tears starting to etch a path down his glowing red cheeks.

"I'm not leaving _you_Albus, no. You left _me_," Scorpius needed Albus to understand this, if nothing else. He was not about to take the whole blame for this situation, he'd never be able to forgive himself if he did, "I- I gave _you_ that choice and you made your own decision. My leaving tonight has everything to do with the decision you've made."

"No, please. I'll do-" Albus forced away the tears, he was a man damn it, a _man_.

"And it _is_ partly my fault, because I gave you that choice," Scorpius looked away from him now, unable to watch the pain he was causing develop any further. For no matter what he said, Scorpius knew that leaving would be his choice in the end, it would be ultimately down to him, his fault, "I took a risk and it didn't pay off. You- you didn't pick me Al. And I really thought you would." It was true, Scorpius had thought that he would mean more to Albus than his reputation. He hadn't honestly believed that Albus was ashamed of him, not until now.

"But that's ok," Scorpius' voice sounded as broken as ever now as he too set his jaw in an attempt to hold back any visible signs of emotion. It seemed the pair were holding their breath, a long silence creeping between them awkwardly. In the void, neither of them dared look at the other, neither of them could even think coherently. Emptiness was the feeling they seemed to share, and it wasn't until Scorpius broke the silence that their eyes met once more.

"No, you know what, it's _not_ok!" He wasn't angry now, but there was finality to his tone that Albus didn't often here from the blonde, "Because it really fucking hurts. But- but feeling ashamed and guilty and- and _dirty_every time you push me away in public, or send me one of your looks, or- or churn out one of your brothers favourite queer jokes... that hurts a hell of a lot more." That's what this was about, it's what their problems had always been about. Albus was ashamed, he didn't think people would accept him being gay, and even if they had, he knew he could never be seen publicly with a Malfoy without causing a media boom.

Not daring to speak, Albus looked down in shame. He didn't want Scorpius to be right, he didn't want to admit that he cared far too much about what other people thought, and not enough about those who he cared about the most. What was the old saying? Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind? Why did he never seem able to put those wise words into practice?

"But I do understand," Scorpius went on, and as he did so, Albus' gaze slowly returned to recapture his own, so much non verbal communication taking place between their eyes alone, "I embarrass you, you're ashamed of me."

"I-" Albus couldn't find the words to protest.

"And rightfully so. I wish I didn't but- you know, I always knew that you were too good for me," the briefest of sad smiles brushed over Scorpius' lips, escaping with the sound of his voice. "I'd just hoped that you'd never realise it." They weren't supposed to be together. Scorpius had known that for as long as they _had_ been together and had been attempting to deny it ever since. But it was time to wake up now, they had the rest of their lives to think about, and maybe they weren't best for each other after all.

"Score that's not true!" Albus collapsed into a seated position on the bed, his quaking legs no longer able to hold his weight. Why was Scorpius saying this? There was no way he could possibly believe that he wasn't good enough, surely? Albus was the one who should feel unworthy of him. He was bright and charming, everybody who got the chance to meet him fell in love with him almost instantly, he was impossible not to like. Albus could list the reasons Scorpius was spectacular for days and days, but he couldn't think of any reasons why he himself would be worth five minutes of anyone's time, "Don't say that. I'm the one who- I don't deserve you. P-Please."

"Shhh," Although soothing, Scorpius' voice was shaking, this whole thing was so unbearable that he didn't know if he could keep going, if he could go through with his plan. But the blonde knew that there was a lot he felt he needed to say, so he had better do it fast before he lost all of the nerve he had somehow managed to muster, "Now that you and I- now that we're- we're-" both of the men winced at Scorpius' following two words, "not together."

"No," Albus' voice had tuned down to a whisper, but the shaking power behind that one word was enough to force a lone tear down Scorpius' face. Why was this so damn hard?

Scorpius placed his hands on the bed either side of the taller man, kneeling on the floor so they were around the same height once more, "Let me finish," he spoke quickly to make sure he'd be able to get it all out, (he'd been thinking about this for a long time). He couldn't do this to himself anymore, living like this was pure self inflicted torture, but at least if he was away from the brunette he'd get a shot at something more, something that felt even half real. But it wasn't just that- it was so much more than about just Scorpius.

"Now that we're _over_," he spoke at barely a whisper, "there won't be anything to hold you back. Okay?" Albus needed to be happy too, that was always the main priority. Without Scorpius around to make him feel embarrassed and tied down and obligated, surely he would be able to get on with the life he was _supposed_ to have, "You can find yourself a really nice girl. A girl you can be proud of!" Here he flashed another fleeting grin, trying to keep things as quick and light-hearted as was humanly possible, "And she'll love Quidditch like I never could, and you'll come home to good meals because she'll actually be able to cook," a crackly laugh escaped his lips here as he forced himself to go on, "and she'll make you _happy_. I- I just want you to be happy."

"Then please Score," Albus' voice was breaking uncontrollably, no longer having any hold over his emotions. He couldn't help but wonder if this was his last chance, if this was the last thing he'd ever get to say the man he loved more than he had even known possible, "please, don't leave me! I love you, I can't live without y-"

"Shhh," Scorpius whispered, their eyes locking together again as he forced himself to return the emerald eyed man's desperate gaze. He leaned in slowly so that their lips were almost touching and waited until Albus' eyes fluttered closed, before reaching behind him and laying a hand on his previously discarded duffel bag. Their lips brushing chastely, Albus heard a whispered, "I love you," before the crack of disapparition echoed about the room. Not daring to open his eyes, Albus knew that Scorpius was gone, that his whole world had just fallen apart, and there was nothing he could do about it.

**a/n: I plan to make this into a chapter story- as I've already written out most of the future parts. However, I'd really love it if you'd read and review. Did you enjoy it? Would you like to see me continue the story? That is all- enjoy!**


	2. 2: Hold My Silence

**a/n: I just want to thank everyone who reviewed, favourited and alerted this story. I realise it has been over a year and I'm sorry. I really want to get this completed and I certainly will. So here's the next chapter, it's a bit of a filler, but I hope it doesn't disappoint too much.**

* * *

It wasn't as if he was ignoring the letters completely- no. Scorpius was merely 'forgetting' to post his responses. The blonde, who was even more pallid than usual, had arrived at Rose Weasley's doorstep, on the evening he would come to remember as one of the worst of his entire life. She was the only person who knew about Albus and Scorpius' relationship, the only person who could possibly understand. Rose had been like a sister to Scorpius since they were thirteen years old. So naturally, she had taken the broken man into her home with open arms, happy to take care of him for as long as he needed.

"Scorpius?" A bleary eyed redhead blinked into the darkness of her 2am wake up call. An early riser she may have been, but it was more than obvious that Rose Weasley did not take well to be awoken in the middle of the night.

"Hi Rose," Scorpius began awkwardly, desperately trying to mask the fact that he had stopped for a few too many drinks on his way to her apartment. However, knowing only too well what was to come, Rose ushered the shivering man into her home and closed the door carefully behind him. The pair made their way into the kitchen in complete silence, Rose knowing it would be down to her to get some sense out of him.

"What's going on?" She asked reasonably, hoping Scorpius would want to talk. Putting a gentle hand on his shoulder, she forced Scorpius to look at her for the first time, and was entirely surprised to see that it looked as if he had been crying. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen him cry, it wasn't in his nature, and certainly was not a part of his nurturing.

"I left," Scorpius answered blankly, no hint of emotion in his voice, the icy mask he had practiced so well as a child now slipping easily back onto his features. The words came as both a pain and relief to him, speaking them out loud suggested a concrete finality to his actions, it made the insanity leave him but the hurt creep in much deeper.

"What? Why- Oh Score I'm sorry!" Rose pulled the man into a warm embrace. Of course, she knew of the problems going on between Scorpius and her cousin, but she had never quite imagined it would come down to this. For all of their faults, Albus and Scorpius were one of the most perfect, authentic and in love couples she had ever met. It sickened her most of the time, but only out of jealousy- surely they would work this out.

"Listen Rosie, could I stay here? Just for a couple of days," Scorpius knew she would say yes, he knew that Rose would always be there for him, but it was only polite to ask.

"Of course," Rose didn't even hesitate in responding, of course he would be able to stay.

"Are you sure Craig won't mind? It _will_ only be for a couple of days, promise."

"Don't be stupid," Rose answered quickly with a wry smile, "he does what he's told!" Craig was Rose's muggle fiancé. He had been introduced to the wizarding world a couple of months ago, and was just about getting used to all that it entailed. But in all, Scorpius thought him a good match for Rose, well as good as one would be able to find for their sister without looking for utterly impossible perfection.

"Thanks," Scorpius was once again looking anywhere but at one of his dearest friends, really hoping that in doing so, she would demonstrate her Ravenclaw wits and refrain from questioning him any further, "I really appreciate it."

"Okay, lovely. Can I- Can I get you anything? Or er- Do you want to talk about it?" Scorpius had expected her curiosity to get the better of her, though he knew that Rose was really just trying to help. In utter honesty, there was nothing he would like more than to go over every detail, what went wrong, what they can fix, how it ever came to this. But now wasn't the time or the place, not when he was feeling this way, and he hurriedly reminded himself of this, blurry eyed and ready for bed.

"If it's alright with you Rosie, I'd really rather not. I'm so tired, if I could just get some sleep?" Rose only nodded in response to this, she knew how Scorpius had always preferred to cope with things alone, no matter how much she had previously insisted on sticking her nose into his business (and everybody else's for that matter).

"Thanks," Scorpius said sheepishly for a final time before Rose ushered him towards the guest bedroom and said her goodnights.

* * *

The next few days came and went as a blur, Scorpius had gone into work, but had been sent home each day for lapses in concentration and making countless trivial mistakes. It happened to be a Friday evening, as he was organising Rose's bookshelf in her study, that Albus' first letter appeared with his owl Megara. Scorpius just stared blankly at the animal for a good few seconds before she began impatiently nipping at his hand. Once he had received the letter, it took him a further five minutes to actually unfold it and take in the few words that were written so carefully on the parchment.

_Score  
__Where are you staying? Please come home. Will you at least see me or just speak to me? How about after the game? In our usual place? I'll wait for you. If you don't come... I'll understand if you don't want to. But I wish you would.  
__Al_

Instinctively, Scorpius pulled out a spare piece of parchment from one of Rose's desk draws and sat down to respond.

_Al  
__I'm staying with Rosie, but I won't be here for much longer. I don't think seeing you now would be a good idea. Please know that it's not because I don't want to. I just don't want you waiting for me anymore. Go and find something more. Please.  
__Score_

Scorpius read his response what felt like a hundreds times over before the study door creaked open and a worried looking Rose poked her concerned smile around the doorframe.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" She asked quietly but was met with no response, "Score?" She took a few more steps into the room, noticing the parchment Scorpius clutched at and attempting to look over his shoulder at its contents. Scorpius, from a long line of stealthy Slytherin's, wasn't to be fooled by Rose's prying and quickly scrunched up his letter into the palm of his hand and threw it into the fire on the opposite side of the room.

"What was that?" Rose asked him quickly, brow furrowing instantly.

"Nothing."

"Scorpius!" The tone that could make him confess to just about anything, Scorpius was certain. No matter how old they got, he knew that Rose's stern looks would always manage to suss him out. It was both wonderful and dreadful, the power that the fiery redhead had over him.

"Just a letter from Albus," he spoke, attempting to make his admission nonchalant and uninteresting. Needless to say his attempts failed miserably.

"And you threw it into th-?"

"Yes."

"Okay, if that's what you want."

"It is... oh and a cup of tea would be lovely, thanks," Scorpius waited until Rose had left the room before picking up Albus' actual letter, which had some how made its way onto the windowsill, and folded it up so that he could slip it into his pocket. Scorpius began to think that perhaps he was not _supposed_ to respond to Albus' letters, maybe that would help the emerald eyed man move on. Though they weren't supposed to be together, he still wanted what was best for Albus and he knew now that this was it.

* * *

The following day was a Saturday, meaning it was time for one of Albus' Quidditch matches. Having not really discussed it with Rose the previous day, the redhead awoke him tentatively asking him if he would be attending the game. Scorpius quickly declined, stating that he didn't think it would be the best idea. Rose, wanting to argue but seeing that she was in no position to do so, left without another word.

As soon as she and Craig had left for the game, Scorpius followed. Obviously, there was nothing that could stop him from attending the match, it was all he had left of Albus now. At least he could still enjoy watching his love from afar, silently sharing in his successes and wallowing in his defeats. He'd need to know that Albus was okay, that he was happy, and this seemed like the perfect solution.

Suited in a beautifully crafted disillusionment charm, Scorpius' presence would go unnoticed for the most part, and he'd be able to watch the game from the back of the stands in peace. After all, his plan would surely falter, were Albus to find out that he was spying on him so pathetically.

The game came and went in a mere forty-three minutes, though the end of such a dreadful defeat couldn't come soon enough for supporters of the Appleby Arrows. Albus' team had played worse than Scorpius could have ever imagined and he left the stands as wide-eyed and morose as the rest of the fans.

Scorpius knew that he was supposed to be meeting Albus at their usual spot, as he had mentioned in his letter. The blonde man could only hope that his old housemate didn't wait too long for his arrival. At least he wouldn't be missing any post match celebrations, Scorpius supposed, though that was very little consolation for the whole ordeal.

It was a good five hours later when Megara arrived at the Weasley-Jones residence with yet another letter for Scorpius. Luckily, he had managed to arrive home before Craig and Rose and had already begun packing up his things (Rose had collected the remainder of his belongings from his old flat and some of the boxes had already been moved to his parent's house). He was to move back into the Malfoy Manor, if only for a while. Of course, Mr and Mrs Malfoy were most delighted; they'd not been overly keen on his affiliation with Albus Potter and were always keen to keep a close eye on their son. No doubt he'd be forced to endure countless introductions to eligible pureblood ladies that he'd managed to avoid until now. The thought making him shudder, Scorpius at last turned his attention to Albus' letter.

_Score  
__I knew you wouldn't come. I didn't expect you to. The game was a complete disaster today, I'm sure it'll make tomorrows sports pages. I must have dropped the quaffle a dozen times. Got a right earful from the Captain, not to mention Coach. I just couldn't stop thinking about you. How it'd be by first game without you there to watch. Without you to see afterwards, without you to tell me how boring it was and how slow the seekers were and how cold your hands were. I'm nothing without you. And I never will be. For the record, in case you never want to hear from me again, or you begin getting bored with my hopeless notes, I'm sorry that I let you down. I really am sorry. Please write back. Please let me know that you're okay.  
Al _

Scorpius felt so utterly conflicted. He wanted so desperately to take the broken pieces of his love and slot them all back into place, to write some acknowledgement that yes things were difficult and yes he was still okay. He wanted to be anywhere but here, staring down at words that he could never hope to resist. If he replied, he would succumb to his weaknesses, and he wasn't about to let that happen.

_Al  
__I'm okay. I came to your game today, I didn't want you to know I was there so I hid at the back of the stands. Sorry. I don't think I've ever seen you play that badly before. Can't help but feel like that's all my fault. So again, I'm sorry. If it helps at all the seekers were too slow and my hands were cold. I miss you so much. I miss you and I know you miss me too. But I promise that things will get better and you'll get better and you'll start to just forget. You can make yourself into so much more Albus, you've always deserved better. I didn't mean to hold you back for so long but I just couldn't help myself. I was being the selfish Slytherin I knew I could be. Forgive me.  
__Eternally yours,  
__Score_

Another parchment discarded, torn into hundreds of miniscule pieces and thrown out of his window to the mercy of the wind. He couldn't write words to be read, but Scorpius needed to write them to be released. As painful as everything that had happened these past few days was, it felt calming to be doing something real and not burying himself in the trench of self pity he had so carefully dug.

Tomorrow was another day and Scorpius was moving back to his childhood home. Perhaps things would begin to look up. He'd be getting out from under Rose's feet, his parents were certainly glad of his return, and most importantly, he would be free from all reminders of the raven haired boy in his past.


	3. 3: He's Fine

**a/n: Long chapter is long. Sorry! I realise it's kind of a slow progression, but the next part of the story will be coming pretty fast. Oh hell, if you don't like it, don't read it. ALSO! If anyone is interested in betaing this for me, or knows anyone who might, message me- I'd be eternally grateful. Please and thank you. Much love, Scarlet.**

* * *

It was a Sunday, the day following the worst quidditch match of Albus Potter's professional career thus far. The sports pages of every wizarding newspaper were filled with the shock of the arrows worst defeat in years, a picture of Albus repeatedly dropping the quaffle played out over and over again. For the first half an hour of his morning, Albus had contented himself watching the horrifying image and immersing himself a feeling that was somewhere between self-pity and self-loathing. Perhaps if he could remember how awful this feels, it might help to ensure that he never does anything so stupid ever again. Of course, it wasn't entirely his fault that they lost, but the team had been playing a reserve seeker, so he really should have been on top form for the already challenging match. But everything seemed to be bearing down on him all at once.

With no practice until tomorrow, Albus had been perfectly happy to wallow in his own pit of despair for the entire day. He had nothing planned and was ready to remain in bed watching one of the muggle films he had Scorpius had always so enjoyed. He could remember it vividly, the first time they had gone to a muggle cinema together. Albus had wanted to take Scorpius on a proper date and it had been Rose's idea, being so well acquainted with muggles after all. Although they had watched some muggle DVD's in their muggle studies lessons at Hogwarts, there was nothing that could quite compare to the big screen of a muggle cinema, and since that one outing, it had been a place the two of them frequented fairly often. Something they shared. But that was over now, and it wasn't going to do Albus any good to dwell on the past.

Shame that the past was all he had to cling on to, when the present was so painful and the future held little promise. Albus wondered if he could spend an eternity in his memories alone, if anyone would notice, if it were even possible... He was just entertaining the idea properly when he heard a gentle knock at the front door, immediately knowing it to be Rose. She visited it him and Scorpius more often than any of their other friends and always approached with that same tentative knock that completely contradicted her fiery personality.

"It's open," Albus shouted from his place in bed, hoping she would hear through thin walls. He heard the door open as the redhead let herself in to the flat and immediately had a thought, "Rose? Are you alone?"

"Yes," Rose's reply was immediate, not sure if her answer would be a disappointment or not.

"Good, I'll be out in a minute, make yourself at home," Albus had considered the possibility she might bring her fiancé along, knowing that the two of them got along well. Craig was good for Rose; a calming influence and certainly knew how to have a good laugh. He was the first muggle Albus had got to know really well, and by now was practically part of the family. But that didn't mean Albus would want Craig to see him in such a state. Hell, he barely allowed Rose to see the mess he had become. Wondering if he ought to throw on something other than the old t-shirt and sweatpants he was adorning, Albus quickly rejected the idea deeming it too much effort. Rose had seen him looking far worse than this, he remembered Halloween fondly.

Rose, who had already set about tidying the horribly messy kitchen, had expected nothing less than a troubled Albus when she arrived. After all, she had seen him play yesterday and Albus always read the sports pages and she knew that today would be no exception. Ready to pick up in the pieces, in more ways than one, Rose began boiling water to make tea, getting her wand out to clean some of the dishes that were pilled up on the side. She didn't hear Albus quietly walking into the room behind her, so she wasn't aware of his eyes upon her as she caught sight on the photograph on his fridge. Reaching out her free hand, Rose traced the corners of the image fondly. It was an old photograph of Albus and Scorpius, taken way back in their fourth year at Hogwarts, back when they were best friends and nothing more, when everything was easy and they could all just be themselves.

Not wanting Rose's mind to dwell on the photograph she so longingly looked to, Albus came further into the room without acknowledging what he had seen. "Morning Rosie," his voice was a little hoarse from not having used it in hours, and his eyes showed the tell tale signs that he'd barely slept a wink the night before.

Snatching her hand away from the photograph, Rose turned at last to face her cousin, taking in his appearance before announcing, "You look like death." Well, at least you couldn't say that she wasn't honest. Most of the time, it was one of Rose's more redeeming qualities, but sometimes Albus wished she might keep her observations to herself.

"It's nice to see you too," Albus responded dryly, not waiting for her to explain or defend her remark before going on, "Are you making tea?"

"Of course," Rose responded, knowing how Albus hardly functioned in the morning without it. Little did she know that tea had always been Scorpius job in the past. Get up, make the tea, wake Albus up with the tea, go back to bed for at least another half an hour. If he was feeling particularly lazy he would summon the tea and make in while remaining in bed, but Albus insisted that it tasted infinitely better made the muggle way, and who was Scorpius to deny his favourite tea drinker of his favourite drink?

Rose and Albus remained in a companionable silence until the tea was made, Rose carefully pouring it out into two mugs, knowing how the black haired man liked it served. Granted, she had used the wrong mug, Scorpius always made Albus' tea in a particular mug and all the others were for guests alone. But he supposed now, looking down at the bright yellow piece of china he cupped between his hands, perhaps it was better this way. "Thanks," Albus broke the silence at last as Rose took a seat opposite him at the kitchen table.

"No problem." The two of them knew it wasn't about making tea, though neither of them were willing to say it out loud. Albus was glad that he hadn't been left to his own devices, it had never been a good place for him to be, especially when he found himself in such an utterly foul mood.

"Got anything planned for today?" Rose asked, just starting her attempts to take his mind off of what had happened, this was something she was often less skilled at. Being a Ravenclaw she had always been concerned with the facts and the truths, it was always more difficult for her to deviate from reality and thus she had a somewhat less optimistic view of things for the most part. But at least she was trying, and Albus could certainly recognise that, for all their petty arguments (Rose had always been better friends with Scorpius that she had with Albus) she was a truly wonderful cousin.

"No," Albus answered only half truthfully, because he couldn't very well announce that he had planned to curl up in bed and cry like some sort of hormonal teenaged girl. "Is Scorpius staying with you?" Albus felt that he already knew the answer, as he'd come home from work one evening and all of Scorpius' things had disappeared. He knew that Scorpius wouldn't have returned to their flat, and Rose was the only one Scorpius would trust to collect his belongings with possibility of having to combat Albus' anger all in one go.

"He was," Rose was honest as ever, "He left this morning. He's moving back in with his parents."

Albus barely managed to contain his surprise, for as long as he could remember, Scorpius had been itching to leave the Malfoy manor and make it on his own. He had always been so purposefully independent, hating the thought that he could live off mother and father for the rest of his life. It was a little absurd to Albus, who came from a rich family, but wasn't endlessly spoilt as Scorpius had been. But he supposed when you can have whatever you want, earning things entirely by yourself loses its meaning, because whatever you may have earned, you could have been handed anyway. No matter how confusing the notion, Albus had always made it his business to understand every single thing about Scorpius Malfoy. Merlin he was going to miss his quirks.

"How is he?" Were the only words Albus could find that wouldn't convey every pent up emotion he was hiding, though he was almost certain Rose's all knowing mind could read him regardless. Albus, ever the calculating Slytherin, had always been good at masking his emotions from those around him and for the most part it worked. Rose had always had a knack for knowing though. She had figured out he was gay back in fourth year, she had figured out he was in love with Scorpius in fifth year and she had figured out that they finally got it together in sixth year. Somehow she just knew.

Rose was considering her answer, though she was careful not to seem to hesitant, studying Albus' face she wondered what it was that he needed to hear. Because often the truth, what someone wants to hear and what someone needs to hear are three entirely different things. She recalled Scorpius words to her this morning as a response formed on her tongue, '_When he asks you, tell him I'm fine. Tell him I'm moving on, tell him he should be too.'_ She and Scorpius had argued about this for a good few minutes before Rose had finally concluded that she would tell Albus whatever she saw fit, though she didn't feel comfortable lying to him.

How was he? So what was the truth then? Scorpius was horrible. He was anti social and gloomy, he barely wanted to speak with Rose, he'd been sent home from work on more than one occasion, he was broken and try as she might, Rose hadn't any cure. What did Albus want to hear? Rose couldn't be certain. He's not the same without you, he talks about you all the time, he's waiting for you to speak to him first, he's ready to take you back. But that'd be far too much of a lie. So what did Albus need to hear?

"He's fine," Rose's lying was convincing when it needed to be and she realised this guilty as she sipped at her tea, "He wishes things had gone differently, but he knows that he can't change the past and he's accepted it."

"Okay," Was all Albus had left, "Good."

* * *

Moving back in with his parents was lot worse than Scorpius had originally anticipated. During his time spent away from them both he had somehow managed to forget just how very overbearing they could be. He had barely been through the door five hours, a lifetime's worth of belongings to unpack, before Gregory Goyle (an old friend of his father's) had arrived for dinner with his wife and eldest daughter. Scorpius had felt like a child all over again, forced to go on play dates with children he had never met before. Only this time it was million times worse, because there was the added pressure of knowing that their parents, who carried the bulk of the conversation throughout dinner, were hoping that they would- Well, that they would what exactly? Hit it off? Fall in love? Get married and have perfect pureblood babies? Though the times of arranged marriages had long since passed, Scorpius knew his parents clung on to some of the old pureblood traditions. Old dog, new tricks, that sort of thing.

In the four and a half painful hours the two families spent in each other's company, Scorpius found himself conversing with the eldest Goyle daughter by default. Their fathers were engaged in a discussion about work and other boring ministry business and their mothers spoke about whatever it was women spoke about together, Scorpius couldn't honestly be all to certain on that one. Anyway, he and Sophia, he'd already learnt her name, had been forced to engage in conversation, and though it was entirely unpleasant, Scorpius found himself wishing the night would end as quickly as possible. Mr Goyle came to his rescue at around half eleven when he announced that they ought to be getting home. By the time midnight rolled around it was only Scorpius, Astoria and Draco sat on their customary chairs in the west parlour.

"I wish you wouldn't do that," Scorpius announced into the silence, not looking up from his distant gaze towards the fire.

"Do what, dear?" Astoria asked, a motherly tone something she couldn't shake when around her only son.

"You _know_ what," Scorpius didn't want to explain himself and was feeling rather snippy following that particularly difficult evening.

"Don't take that tone with your mother Scorpius," Draco joined the conversation without warning, as he was prone to doing. Looking over the top of the newspaper he was reading he surveyed his family carefully before he went on, "We, your mother and I, thought it might be nice to have some friends over to welcome you home properly."

"And one of those friends just so happened to be Mr Goyle's very eligible daughter?"

"Alright you caught us," Astoria conceded, wanting to swiftly prevent any argument that seemed quick to rise between her two favourite men. "It's my fault, I thought you'd like the company."

Scorpius knew that his mother was playing his emotions, he had never been able to remain angry at her for long, "Well you were wrong." This earned Scorpius a stern look from his father, but the older man didn't reprimand his son a second time.

"Sophia is a lovely girl, you know," Astoria went on pleasantly, never immediately giving up hope.

"I'm sure she is," Scorpius agreed, from what he'd learnt of Sophia Goyle this evening, she was a very fine young woman. Only that wasn't really what Scorpius was in the market for, was it? A woman? But he was still yet to tell his parents that one detail of his personal life. He'd promised Albus they would wait, that their parents would be told at around the same time so that they could make sure they didn't hear about it from anyone but themselves. Scorpius wondered, now that he an Albus were no longer together, when might be the best time to give Draco and Astoria the truth? He knew they wouldn't be happy about it; his father had been uncomfortable enough when he'd befriended a Potter on his first day of school. Scorpius supposed that it could wait, it was just another thing he could put on hold. Besides his mother would only asking prying questions as to the nature of his relationship with Albus and he knew that her prying mind wouldn't take long to figure out what had happened. He didn't think he was ready to relive it yet, not when all the wounds were still so fresh in his mind.

* * *

"_I don't feel much like a Potter anymore." A sixteen-year-old Albus Potter sat curled up on his four-poster bed in the sixth year Slytherin boy's dormitories. He hadn't meant to make the admission aloud but the words had seemed to escape him before he could hold them back. Scorpius, whose side he was neatly tucked into, seemed to have that affect on him._

"_Oh," the blonde boy wasn't sure if he was supposed to feel guilty about that or not. "I'm sorry," he added for good measure, supposing that yes, perhaps he was alienating Albus from his family and perhaps things would be better if they cooled down a bit. With a feeling akin to disappointment, he began to relinquish his hold on Albus' side before the slightly shorter Slytherin's eyes widened in understand, clamping Scorpius hand down._

"_No- I didn't mean- don't be sorry- it's not your fault," Albus stuttered out all at once, trying to get his message across quickly, but knowing he was probably incoherent._

_His lack of eloquence didn't matter, Scorpius always understood, "Then why-?"_

"_It's just- I'm everything a Potter shouldn't be," It was obvious from the way Albus was speaking that he had been thinking about this for a long time, and that always troubled Scorpius. Albus was known for speaking his mind, so when something sounded polished and rehearsed, he had obviously been thinking on it for much longer than was healthy, "You know? I'm a Slytherin, I've useless at defence, I'm good at potions, I'm gay, I'm-"_

"_-fucking a Malfoy?" Scorpius supplied in Albus' millisecond pause. They had both been thinking it, so why shouldn't they say it out loud?_

"_Exactly. No wait, that's not what I was- this isn't about us. We're fine," Albus was quick to counter his boyfriend's accusations. Though they weren't really aimed at him, he didn't like what this conversation might quickly turn into._

"_I know," Scorpius conceded quickly, he hadn't been looking for confrontation either, "But I am part of this problem aren't I?" Feeling increasingly guilty, Scorpius took Albus' hesitation for all the answer he needed, "It's okay, 'cause you're part of my problem too." It was true, neither of them were destined to be the perfect son to their respective parents, but perhaps together, it wouldn't matter quite so much._

"_What are we going to do?" Albus asked Scorpius at last as he drew himself up to sit bolt upright on this bed. By now his hands had found their way to Scorpius' sides and their heads were leaning in to one another, inches apart._

"_Go shopping? You really need a new pair of-"_

"_Score! You know what I mean," Albus reprimanded the grey-eyed boy quickly, though he was unable to hold back the amusement in his eyes._

"_Well why do you have to be a perfect Potter?" Scorpius asked thoughtfully, fingers idly tracing their way up and down Albus' side, "Couldn't you be just Albus? Your family love you just the way you are. I love you just the way you are. You won't need to meet their expectations if you're contented to be just Albus, just my Al."_

_Emerald green eyes boring into stormy grey, it was Albus who closed the gap between them, gently brushing his lips against those of Scorpius, chaste and loving. Scorpius always knew just what to say. "I think you might be right."_

"_I'm always right," Scorpius took his one chance to gloat before pulling Albus towards him for a more heated kiss._

* * *

Scorpius awoke the next morning a little later that he'd have liked, though he was fast in accepting the fact that he was going to be late for work. It wasn't even a dream that replayed in his mind over and over again; it was a factually correct memory. As if it wasn't torture enough that he had to think about Albus every waking moment, now he was dreaming about him too? Stepping out of the shower often a long cool, mind-clearing soak, it appeared that there was in fact, no rest for the wicked. Albus owl was waiting patiently at his bedroom window. With a sigh he let her in, a murmured, "You poor bird," escaping his lips.

_Score  
__Sorry that it's early, but I figure you'll be arriving at work around now, so you shouldn't find this too offensive. I saw Rosie yesterday. She told me how well you're doing. I'm glad. Really. I'm sorry you didn't want to tell me yourself. But I needed you to know that I just want you to be happy. I won't be bothering you again if you don't reply to this letter. I love you.  
__Al_

Scorpius did it again, taking out a clean piece of parchment as he shooed Albus' owl out of the window she had entered through. It broke his heart, but he had to do it, it was becoming compulsive now.

_Al  
__It's not too early, though I'm not at work yet. Woke up late, bet you can't imagine that. Me? Oversleeping? Unheard of, I know. I just can't find the energy to do anything without you. I'm glad Rosie lied for me; I'll have to thank her when I next see her. It sounds like you're doing better though. I hope training goes well today and I'm sorry you had to suffer that defeat on Saturday. You won't hear from me again, no matter how often I write out these pathetic responses, I've promised myself not to send them. I know that you'll forget soon, I hope you do.  
__Your Score._

"Incendio." Maybe Scorpius would take the day off again today.


	4. 4: This Is It

**a/n: As always, comments and concrits are welcomed. Thanks for all the people alerting and favouriting this, I hope you're enjoying it.**

* * *

Scorpius missed work that day, and the day after that and the day after that. He was fast becoming a liability and in his occupation that would simply never do. So he quit before they fired him, because he knew that it was bound to happen sooner or later. He thought it would be much easier for both parties if he were step down with dignity. Knowing it was the right thing to do didn't exactly make it any easier, Scorpius adored that job, it was all he'd worked towards since passing his O.W.L's with flying colours back in fifth year. Still, his parents were perfectly happy to keep him, and however distressing a thought that was, Scorpius knew he was very lucky to have parents that were able to do so. Most of those he knew from school would not have been so fortunate in their adulthood.

A week passed in unemployment before Scorpius found himself ready to kill anyone and everyone he came into contact with. In his sheer boredom, he had taken to playing wizard's chess with the house elves, though he was yet to find a suitably challenging opponent. Still, they were certainly improving and seemed to get enjoyment out of the game, so there was a positive no matter how insignificant. It was halfway through a chess game he would win in the next four to seven moves, that Scorpius received yet another unexpected tapping on his bedroom window.

_Score  
__I know I said that I wouldn't bother you again after the last letter but I'm so worried about you. I tried your work today, but they said you'd moved on. I thought you loved that job. What are you doing now? Where are you? Please just let me know that you're ok.  
__Al_

Scorpius pushed Albus' owl back out of the window with an apologetic look and quickly turned back to his game of chess. He wasn't going to write out replies anymore, it wasn't healthy. He only wondered if he was doing the right thing. He had obviously been keeping a close eye on Albus since their break up (it wasn't really difficult considering he was in the media so often) and the green-eyed man didn't seem to be having much luck as of late. That will pass though, Scorpius always assured himself every time he saw a photograph of Albus in the papers looking dejected, every time he went to one of his games and Albus looked so pallid and ill and broken. Of course it will pass.

* * *

The following week Scorpius' parents invited Sophia Goyle and her parents to the house for dinner, again. This time was even worse than the last, if that was at all possible. Considering they were well passed the general niceties and knowledge of each other's work lives, Scorpius found he had very little to discuss with the friendly, but altogether dull woman. Honestly, the first time they'd met, Scorpius had thought that perhaps if they were to be forced into some sort of acquaintanceship by their parents, then at least she seemed pleasant enough to converse with. Oh how wrong he had been. This time around she was like some sort of horrifically hormonal teenage girl, touching him unnecessarily, laughing at comments that weren't even supposed to be funny and invading Scorpius' personal space a great deal more than he was happy with. He was sure that if you were to look up uncomfortable in the dictionary, there would be a photograph of his face at anytime throughout that evening.

Apparently his parents were completely oblivious to his discomfort, for as soon as the Goyle family were out the door, Astoria's arms pulled her son into an embrace. "That went well didn't it dear?" Looking stonily over his mother's shoulder at his father, at least the older man had to good sense to be uncertain.

"No, mother, no it did not," Scorpius was forcing himself to be polite, not that he felt either of his parents deserved it.

"But I thought you two were getting along rather well," Astoria protested as she pulled back to look her son in the face, her brow furrowing into a confused frown.

"Well you _thought_ wrong," Scorpius mirrored her with a frown of his own.

"Scorpius," Draco warned, but the young man was so far passed caring.

"No father. I just experienced one of them most unpleasant evenings of my entire life because you two," here he glared at each of them in turn to demonstrate his point, "couldn't help yourselves. If you ever put me in that position again, I can assure you that I will not be sticking around to watch it play out again. Do I make myself clear?"

Astoria nodded in her shock as Draco's eyebrows rose almost approvingly. Without another word Scorpius excused himself back up to his room where he found a letter waiting for him (owls weren't permitted into the dining room of the manor).

_Score  
__I was thinking about how much I missed you today. And I thought about how desperately I wanted to write to you, hear from you, see you. But I don't think you'll ever want to speak to me again. And then I thought that writing to you probably wasn't such a bad idea. It makes me feel a little better in a way. Like you're still here, like I've still got a piece of you to cling on to. If you'd rather I didn't keep writing then, just let me know. I promise to stop if it offends you. It's just hard without anyone to talk to. And I know that it's my fault because I'm the idiot who never told anyone, who was too cowardly to out myself. I was the one who was too afraid to have a little more pride in us, in me as a person. I was never ashamed of you. How could I be? I was only ever afraid that if I was different, then I wouldn't be enough. I know I was being selfish. I'm sorry you had to put your faith in a waste of time like me.  
__Al_

Suddenly all of the anger he had been harbouring in his chest dissipated and Scorpius felt more alone than he had done in weeks. Tucking the letter into storage with the others, he got into bed, the place he frequented most often these days, and attempted sleep with little success.

* * *

The next day was one of Albus' quidditch matches. Scorpius was going to go, of course, he hadn't missed a single one yet. He would just be sure to undergo the right provisions, ensuring nobody saw him there, least of all Albus. The game was somewhat less painful to watch this time. The Arrows won for a start, though Albus had come very close to injury on more than one occasion; something that always had Scorpius jumping to his feet in fear. How he loathed quidditch... But he was pleased to see things were improving, maybe Albus' letters were just born out of loneliness, _when he finds someone else he'll be sure to move on properly_. Scorpius remained unable to convince himself, but he knew it was for the best to think that way, being more miserable than he already was couldn't be good for his health. He'd gotten his next owl just as he turned his light off to go to sleep.

_Score  
__The game went a little better today, but I'm worried that I'm going to get kicked off the team. I missed an easy goal and I nearly let a bludger break my left leg. I wish I knew that you were ok. It's almost impossible doing anything without you. Every tiny insignificant thing reminds me of you. I never realised how much we shared. Even eating breakfast and going to the shops. My world's become so empty all of a sudden.  
__Al_

Scorpius didn't even read the letter a second time as he usually would. He couldn't bear it. Why weren't things working out the way he had intended? Albus was supposed to be moving on, being the brilliant man Scorpius knew he was always destined to be.

* * *

It was Scorpius' birthday four days later, the worst birthday he can ever remember having. His parents insisted on throwing him a party, and it felt as if the whole wizarding world had turned up to celebrate, apart from those that really mattered. It wasn't as if Scorpius actually expected his parents to invite Rose Weasley (who they knew, but managed to ignore the fact, he was close to), however it might have been nice of them to consider inviting _some_ of his friends from Hogwarts. Apparently no such thought had occurred to them, and Scorpius had been forced to spend the entire night making small talk with a bunch of drunken strangers. It was painful at best. The only thing that could make things worse would be... But of course, there she was, Sophia Goyle making her way towards him at top speed.

The only redeeming part of his night, which he'd spent predominantly avoiding the woman who was bordering on obsessive, was the letter he received just before midnight. He'd excused himself from the party feigning a "blasted migraine", telling his guests that he'd truly love to stay and that they should continue to enjoy themselves without him and to make the most of the champagne.

_Score  
__Happy birthday. I don't know what else to say. I've sent your present with Megara. I'm sorry if it seems a bit much, I had it planned for a while. I'm sure you've got someone to go with, I didn't want to waste the tickets and the reservations, I know how much you'll adore the show. I just wish I could see your face, it lights up at the theatre you know. So beautiful. So happy birthday Score! I hope you have a good day, whatever you're doing, whoever you're with. I wish I was with you. I just hope that there's someone there taking care of you, making your day as special as you deserve. We were always good at birthdays weren't we? I love you.  
__Al_

Inside the envelope were box tickets and dinner reservations for the new production of _Merlin Knows_ that had just opened up a few days ago and Scorpius' favourite restaurant. Scorpius could only imagine the planning that had gone into this, the show had been sold out since before most people even knew it was being put on. Being the theatre buff that he was, Scorpius had been dying to go and may have mentioned it to Albus on one or two occasions. How he had managed this... It was overwhelming. The tickets were for two evening's time and he stared at them longingly on more than one occasion before the time finally arrived when he'd have to make his decision. Scorpius didn't go. He didn't even give the tickets to someone else like he knew he should. He just kept them, with his letters, with the things he had left of Albus.

* * *

The last letter Scorpius got from Albus arrived a day after the show, which he had read nothing but rave reviews about in all of the papers he was subscribed to.

_Score  
__I've decided not to write to you anymore. I'm making myself ill over this and I can't help but feeling even more selfish dragging you back into my life. I know you'll have moved on and hopefully found yourself some happiness. I only want you to be happy. But I understand now that you're not going to keep in contact with me. You don't need to hear about my petty woes. I won't bore you with them anymore. I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through. I wish you happiness with the whole of my heart, which belongs to you anyway. I love you.  
Al_

That was it then, was it? Mission accomplished? Scorpius knew he should be glad, but his heart ached with the loss, his whole world falling even further beyond his grasp than it had ever been before. Alone at last.


	5. 5: Put Away

**a/n: Thank you for anyone who has stuck with this story… I've been writing it for… forever! So ridiculous. In any case I shan't promise that it'll be completed soon (although it remains complete in my head). Still I'm enjoying writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it. Much love, Scarlet**

* * *

Scorpius didn't receive any letters after that. Not a single one. Three weeks passed by and he remained as lonely and unemployed as ever. It was all over, really, really over, and the more he thought about what he'd done the more he wished he could take it all back. Maybe living in secret wasn't so bad after all, at least back then he wasn't alone, he wasn't forced to make polite conversation with his family and all of their abhorrent friends. Sophia Goyle had come to the house once more during those three weeks. She had told him that his mother had said he was sick and she had brought him round some horrible concoction that she dared to call soup. Of course, Scorpius had politely accepted her offering and the hour long conversation that followed was nothing if not a welcome distract but he took his opportunity to excuse himself as "ill", returning to the safe confines of his dark bedroom. He wasn't ill, his mother knew that, he was just... sad. Try as he might Scorpius couldn't really blame his parents, neither of them knew what to do or say around him, neither of them knew what was wrong. Draco had tried to get him involved with the family businesses but he couldn't force himself even to feign interest. Astoria was just doing what she thought was best, she'd obviously been under the impression that Sophia might cheer him up and given the right state of mind, perhaps she may have done. She was trying at least, they were all very trying.

However, it is important to note that just because Scorpius hadn't been receiving letters from Albus didn't mean that Albus wasn't writing them. It only took him two and a half weeks before he crumbled. It was following a particularly tense meal with his family, who he had made the mistake of spending an entire evening with for the first time since their break up, that Albus came back to his empty home and started to write.

_Score  
__I miss you. I think Mum's getting worried about me now. She keeps asking when you'll be back and what we had fought over. She always had a real fondness for you. Think she'd rather have you as a son than me. She thinks I must have upset you big time if we aren't speaking for this long. "What on earth did you do Albus?" She says. It's funny how she knows it's all my fault. She's right isn't she? I really fucked it up this time. And every fond word she says about you makes me realise how right you were. She wouldn't have cared for me any less if I was gay. She'd have probably adored the chance to make you an official part of the family. I missed that chance didn't I?  
__Al__  
_

The letter was signed and folded as usual, but instead of sending it off, Albus forced himself to keep his promise. Opening a bedside drawer that was full of nothing but the shadows of where Scorpius' belongings used to sit, Albus tucked the letter away. It was much better off where no one could see it.

* * *

It was two weeks after that when Scorpius almost got caught. He was sat in his usual spot, hidden in the back of the stands, watching Albus' quidditch game. The middle Potter was playing much better recently, perhaps better than he ever had before. Scorpius couldn't help remind himself that this had probably been his fault, always holding the green eyed boy back from his full potential. The match was over and Albus' team were blissfully celebrating their victory. Amelia Wood, the team's seeker, had been hoisted onto the shoulders of the two beaters in honour of her spectacular catch and even Albus was joining in the cheering (Scorpius hadn't seen him do that in a while).

Carefully making his way out of the stands as quickly and discreetly as possible, Scorpius hadn't noticed the team doing a victory lap of the pitch, passing right by him stuck in a crowd as he left the bottom of the stand. Grey eyes catching emerald was enough, Albus was off his broom in an instant, rushing towards the crowd where he was sure he had seen... "Scorpius!" he'd called, "Scorpius!" He pushed through people like he was running from a murderer, shouting at the top of his voice.

Hearing his name called behind him, Scorpius sped up in the crowd, making sure his blonde hair was hidden by the hideous baseball cap he was wearing. A few more steps and he was out in the open air, hearing one more call of his name in that oh so familiar voice before he disappeared into thin air.

Albus had to write when he got home that evening. He had to do something.

_Score  
__I thought I saw you today, in a crowd at the game. I ran towards you, I shouted your name. I think everyone thought I'd gone a bit mad. Maybe I have. I could have sworn I caught your eye, no one has eyes like yours, I'd know them anywhere. I could have sworn it. And I know that you weren't really there. I know it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I think I'd do anything to see you again. I keep going to all you favourite places but you're never there. That muggle cinema, the bookshop, the weird little shop that sells foreign delicacies and always smells like someone's shoved a flower down your throat... Where do you go these days? Do you have new favourite places? Why haven't I seen you anywhere? I was so sure at the time. I need to see you, just to hear your voice, even seeing your handwriting would do. Please. I'm so lost without you.  
__Al__  
_

Read over once and folded, the second letter joined its counterpart in the drawer.

* * *

The next letter Albus wrote was on a day that was not particularly remarkable in his life: he'd had practice for six hours, gone home and read two chapters of a muggle romance novel he'd be struggling through and promptly fell asleep. However, the day was a little more remarkable for Scorpius.

It was a Tuesday and it was raining. When wasn't it raining? Scorpius sat alone in the main study pouring over a book on ancient hieroglyphics, he found the whole thing rather fascinating, when out of nowhere the fireplace had glowed green and out tumbled a flustered looking Sophia Goyle.

"Oh," she'd said when she spotted Scorpius, surprise evident on both of their faces, "Sorry, your mother said it would be alright for me to floo straight in."

"Of course," Scorpius replied politely, "You just surprised me is all." Hoping the conversation might end there and that by some miracle Sophia wasn't there to speak with him, Scorpius turned his attention back to the book in his hands. But Sophia wasn't leaving, yet.

"What's that you're reading?" She persisted, and Scorpius had to resist the urge to sigh.

"It's just a history book," he replied honestly for the most part, he couldn't be bothered to explain what the book was really about.

"Oh really," she smiled, approaching the desk and definitely not taking the hint, "I just read a brilliant book about medieval England, I find all that really interesting." Scorpius had to admit that this surprised him, the last couple of times they had met she was just so much of a... girl. Not that there was anything wrong with girls mind you, Rose was the perfect example of a girl done right. But Scorpius hadn't had great experiences with many other girls, always finding them too emotional, too clingy, too chirpy, too something!

"Oh? Do you enjoy the political side of it or the human interest? I can't say I've read much on the medieval period," Scorpius replied honestly and before he knew it he found himself having an _enjoyable_ conversation with Sophia Goyle. Let it be known across the land that a miracle had occurred! A minor miracle, but a miracle none the less.

Their conversation drew to a very natural close and the silence that followed wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't as tense as they were used to experiencing. Apparently Sophia had been harbouring some thoughts for a while because Scorpius could tell that she was a little nervous when she spoke again.

"I think," she paused, not sure whether this was the right thing to say, "I think your mother has been trying to set us up!" She was trying desperately to sound relaxed as she spoke, laughing just a little as if to pass the whole thing off as funny in her mind. But it wasn't funny to either of them, it was the truth and it was definitely awkward.

"She's not very subtle, I apologise," Scorpius tried to make light of the situation, offering one of the kindest smiles he had.

"No she isn't," they laughed politely together and fell into a silence that was less companionable than the first. "I knew you weren't interested as soon as we met," Sophia remarked finally as though it was a weight off her mind, smiling politely so as not too look like she'd taken it personally.

"It wasn't tha-" Scorpius began to defend himself, not wanting to offend the girl who he was just getting to know, but was interrupted.

"Don't," she smiled, "I didn't mean for you to explain yourself. I was just, you know, saying it like it is. I'm not offended or anything like that."

Scorpius smiled his thanks as Sophia got up to leave.

"Well maybe a little," she added with a small smile as she reached the doorway. "See you later."

And that was when it happened, Scorpius lost full control of his mind and body as he heard his own voice calling after the girl he'd sworn to loathe.

"Sophia!" It took seconds for her head to appear around the door once more, "Do you want to, er," he'd never asked anyone on a date before, "go to... dinner... on Friday?"

And so the date was made. Scorpius didn't even regret it afterwards. Sure it wasn't exactly what he wanted, but it wasn't going to be a painful affair either. Besides he'd be making Sophia and his mother happy all in one go, perhaps then she'd get off his back about moping around so much. Yes, this could only be a good thing. Maybe he'd be able to stop thinking about Al, if only for a hour or so. If only.

The letter Albus wrote on that unremarkable day was very apt. It might have changed everything if he had just found the courage to send it.

_Score_

_I love you_

_Al_

But it was put away in the drawer with the others.


	6. 6: New Love

**a/n: I hope you're enjoying this story. Thank you for the reviews, they make me smile reading them and really spur me on to keep writing Albus and Scorpius' story. I know you are asking for a light at the end of the tunnel and I just don't want to give anything away at this point but please keep reading. In the meantime, here's the next installment. Enjoy!**

* * *

Scorpius' date had been a success. Well, as much as a success as one could have on a date with someone when you were hopelessly devoted to someone else. In any case Scorpius had actually managed to enjoy himself. It was when he caught himself laughing, actually laughing whole heartedly with no hint of forced emotion that he knew he had to be doing something right. It was pleasant. Sophia Rosetta Goyle was no Albus Severus Potter, but she wasn't ashamed to be seen having dinner with him, or holding his hand as he walked her home and kissed her on the cheek by way of saying goodnight. She was nice. She was very _nice_.

It was just over a month later that everything hit him like a ton of bricks. During that time Scorpius had been on two dinner dates and one late afternoon date with Sophia, his mother pleased as punch by the whole thing. They were doing well; Scorpius had done all of the things he was supposed to do as a new boyfriend. He supposed that was what he was, though he hadn't officially asked her. Are boys supposed to officially ask girls to be their girlfriends? He wasn't terribly sure how this whole dating thing worked. In any case he didn't suppose he was doing too badly, he bought her mother flowers on her birthday and stopped at no expensive when taking Sophia out. That was how proper boyfriends behaved wasn't it? Properly?

Scorpius was reaching a stage where he wasn't sure if he could keep up this whole _proper_ boyfriend charade any longer. They'd only been dating for a month and he was already feeling the strain of lying. Except he wasn't exactly lying, was he? She'd never asked him anything he'd have to deny. She'd never asked him why he'd been so unhappy when they met. She'd never asked him why he moved back in with his parents. She'd never asked him if he'd had a girlfriend before her. But most importantly, she'd never asked him where he was on Saturday afternoons. Because Scorpius hadn't been able to tear himself away, though he had chosen a different spot to frequent in the stands, Scorpius maintained perfect attendance for every one of Albus' quidditch matches. And once again, his failure to move on is what got him into trouble.

It hadn't been a remarkable game, Albus' team had won but that was nothing out of the ordinary as of late. It was the announcer's voice booming through the stadium at the close of the match that caught everyone's attention. "We are proud to announce," the obvious home supporter cried with joy, "that following today's final round of the scouting process our very own Albus Potter has been selected to play on the national team in the upcoming Quidditch World Cup!" The cheer that lifted around the stadium was even more triumphant than before and Scorpius, who had turned to leave in his usual early getaway, _had_ to steal a glance at his former best friend.

Shock and elation marred Albus' face as he took in what the announcer had said. He had been poised to celebrate along with the rest of his teammates when Amelia Wood grabbed his hand and pulled him towards her, a kiss landing right on Albus' mouth. So of course, that was what Scorpius had seen as he looked down to witness the celebrations. The kiss seemed somehow appeared to be in slow motion. He was too far away to see how it had begun, how deep it was, what it really meant, but Scorpius soon decided he had seen enough, leaving as fast as his legs could carry him.

The kiss was over in seconds and soon Albus was celebrating with the rest of his team, Amelia apologising for getting carried away in the heat of the moment. Albus smiled and ignored the whole affair, she had been casually asking him out for weeks now and he had been politely declining at every turn. He knew exactly what she was, a glory seeker (no pun intended). It wasn't that Albus disliked Amelia, she was a perfectly good teammate, a brilliant seeker and a fine girl as soon as she was away from the camera. But that was just it; Albus had lived his whole life in front of a camera... She wasn't for him. Nobody was, nobody but Scorpius. So that was why, when he returned home that evening, it wasn't Amelia or his brother or his cousins or his mother that he needed to tell about what had happened. It was Scorpius.

It felt a little alien to him writing a letter like this, he hadn't done so in quite a while now. But he couldn't stop himself. He had to share this with his best friend; he was the only one that made it all worthwhile.

_Score  
Only went and made the national bloody team today! I know too many exclamation marks, forgive my excitement? I couldn't believe when they announced it. Can you believe it? Merlin! I know you'd believe it. You always told me I'd get there one day. I was never as confident in myself as you were. I couldn't have done it without you. I'm so hopeless without you. All I have left is quidditch, it's pathetic isn't it? But I don't know, in all of my games there's something spurring me on and I know that you don't come to my games anymore but… it's still like you're there willing me to score goals and do well and prove myself. I wish you were there… I wish you were here. I owe you so much and yet all I can do is be selfish and wish to have you all for myself. All I have to do now is to keep working hard to make sure that I make the first team. Merlin I can't believe this is happening! I experience the worst moment of my life and within months, along comes one of the best. It's too much. And somehow, however wonderful it feels, it doesn't feel a fraction as good as it would should you be here to enjoy it with me. I'm sorry I made that impossible for us both. I'm sorry for everything. Merlin knows I'm so sorry. I love you.  
Al_

In the drawer with the others before bed, where he lies in a ball, tears soaking his pillow.

* * *

It was the kiss, it was anger, it was sadness and the hate and the guilt and the no, no, no, no, no. This wasn't right. It's what he'd told Albus to do, he'd told him to move on and be happy, it's what he specifically asked for. But that didn't make it hurt any less when he'd witnessed it. It hadn't made him like it anymore, because he didn't like it, he didn't like it one bit. His heart was screaming mine, mine, mine, mine but his head made him go home and take a deep breath and tell himself off. They weren't supposed to be together. If he hadn't completely believed it before, Scorpius believed it now.

Maybe it was anger, maybe it was loneliness, maybe it was hurt or betrayal or guilt that drove him, Scorpius honestly couldn't say. But he showed up at Sophia's house that evening and before she could say hello he kissed her. He kissed her then, kissed her like he meant it. Only he didn't mean it at all. When he closed his eyes there was someone else in his mind and when he woke up beside her the next morning he felt more guilty than ever before.

She kissed him before clambering out of bed, telling him that she'd be back in a minute. When she returned almost fifteen minutes later (women had absolutely no sense of time keeping) it was with tea, toast and the newspaper. Opening it out innocently as she took a sip of her tea Scorpius almost choked on his toast as Albus Potter's green eyes came staring out at him from the back page. The newspaper, ever on Potter watch, had a perfect close up of Albus and Amelia locking lips, and to Scorpius' dismay his ex-boyfriend looked more than content with his new love.

Watching Sophia as she read, Scorpius tried to think about the things he could love about her, the things that made her special. And he didn't completely fail, but everything he thought of led him into deeper, more sincere thoughts about Albus. She had a beautiful smile but when he thought on it too much it turned into the far more endearing crooked grin that he had come to know so well. She smelled absolutely edible but it wasn't the same as a musky, straight off the quidditch pitch odour that'd come to drive him wild. She was nice. She was very _nice_. But Scorpius wasn't in love with her.

In the weeks that followed Scorpius found himself spending an increasing amount of time with Sophia Goyle. She made him… happy wasn't the right word. She made him forget, and as long as he wasn't remembering then he seemed happy enough. To Draco's delight he'd finally taken an interest in the family business and was helping him set up a new branch in Seville, aided greatly by the Spanish lessons Scorpius had been forced to take as a child. From the outside it would appear that Scorpius' life had moved on, that he himself had climbed out of the hole that he'd wallowed in for far too long. And he was trying, he really was. He avoided all things Albus, failing to watch the interviews or read the newspapers. He just stayed well away.

Except for one thing, that one little thing that he couldn't stop doing. Like an addiction of the worst kind. Scorpius still tortured himself by attending every single game. That was one string he couldn't bring himself to cut.

* * *

The day after his spectacular news Albus awoke to a gentle knock at the door. He'd been half awake anyway, but the thought of getting out of bed now seemed entirely unappealing. Deciding to ignore the door he squeezed his eyes shut against the offending light that was streaming through the gap in his curtains. But that was not to be the end of this morning's disturbances. Ten seconds later a louder, sharper knock followed, and a few seconds after that came a voice that he knew he couldn't escape from.

"Al I know you're in there," An irate Rose Weasley sounded through the letterbox, "And I want you to know that I'm letting myself in." And that was exactly what she did, walking through the house to the kitchen and helping herself to tea without a second thought. Heaving a sigh, Albus forced himself out of bed and into some semi respectable clothing, attempting to flatten his hair and promptly giving up after the fourth attempt. When he arrived downstairs Rose was drinking tea, paper in her hand. That was when Albus saw it.

"What is that?!" He exclaimed, eyes wide at the sight of his face much too closely linked to Amelia Wood's.

"I made you one!" Rose gestured to his mug beside her, misconstruing his outburst.

"No, no, not _that_!" Albus began, half annoyed, half in shock, "Look at the back page."

"Oh _that_," Rose replied nonchalantly, "Yes well you shouldn't have got yourself entangled in such a public display of affection then should you?" There was mixed disapproval and disappointment in her tone, Albus knew that defending himself at this point would be futile, but he had to try regardless.

"_That_ is not my fault! I did not entangle myself in anything!" Albus protested, "I was an innocent entanglee, preyed upon by Amelia Wood, the evil entangler." He wasn't sure if he didn't sound a bit ridiculous, but then, what was new?

"Well that is not what it looks like," Rose told him, dangling the picture in front of his face so as to further prove her point. She was quite right; Albus did not look like a victim whatsoever.

"I know Rosie but you have to believe me!"

"I do Al but think how it's going to look to everyone else," Though she'd never admit it she almost felt a little sorry for her cousin right now, "The paper's written a whole article about the happy couple!"

"They haven't!" Albus reached to grab the paper from his cousin but she pulled it away just in time.

"Not yet, but they will. You know what these reporters are like. They'll be hounding you for weeks about this. Especially now that you're an international quidditch player," Rose's face softened at this, eventually breaking into a smile, "Congratulations Al, you deserve it."

"Thanks," Albus' smile was half hearted as he accepted his cousin's praise, having a seat opposite her at the table and accepting the tea she had made. Fortunately for him, she didn't know that he'd spent what should have been an evening of joyous celebration, alone in his room crying like a little girl.

"I'm sure it'll all blow over," She tried to reassure him, at least hoping that it might be true.

"Maybe," Albus wasn't so sure, "In any case I'll give them an interview just to set the record straight."

"Sounds like a good idea," Rose agreed before an awkward silence fell between them. Both of them had things they wanted to say. Awkward things, things they would avoid talking about when others were around. They spent so little time alone together these days.

"Do you think-?" Albus was the first to brave the silence, "Do you think that he'll have seen it?" Rose had to think about her reply, Albus seemed to hold his breath as he waited.

"I don't know," Rose answered honestly. She knew very little about what Scorpius had been up to since he'd moved back in with his parents. He had written to her a handful of times but whenever she suggested meeting up he always had an excuse, a reason to postpone. Rose had to admit that it was partly her fault, she could have been more persistent, Scorpius was the one in need after all, and in that moment she resolved to try harder from then on.

"How is he?" Albus was feeling a little braver now, desperate for information, to hear _something_ about the man who had fallen out of his life so suddenly. Rose could see the desperation in his eyes, how he was still broken after all this time. It was horrible to watch and even worse to have to be the bearer of bad news… Well, no news, actually.

"I wish I knew," She replied and Albus wasn't sure if that was a good or bad sign. Scorpius probably just needed to disassociate himself with Albus completely, and Rose being his cousin, was a definite reminder of the past. But it was strange because they'd been such good friends in school, but then, so had he and Scorpius and now they were… nothing. It was unbearable to think about, so before he made him cry all over again, Albus pushed those thoughts aside, about to change the subject when Rose spoke once more.

"If you had just told Aunt Gin," She'd meant to say it for so long, she'd meant to tell her cousin just how angry she was at him for doing what he'd done to Scorpius, but she never had. Albus had been too broken to hear it before, he'd been too scared and maybe a little too angry. But Rose wasn't going to hold it in anymore, she owed it to Scorpius, she owed it to them both. "If you'd just told her all those months ago then none of this would have ever happened."

"Don't you think I know that?" Albus' voice was raised just a little, annoyed more at himself than Rose, who had maintained a level tone as she had spoken. "Don't you wish I could turn everything back and just tell her?"

"You could tell her now," Rose suggested gently, it was better late than never.

"What good would that do?" Albus countered, he'd already lost Scorpius, why risk losing the rest of his family too?

"Maybe you could-" But Albus couldn't let her finish, he knew what she was going to say. Maybe you could get back together with Scorpius. No, that was never going to happen, Scorpius had made it perfectly clear that he'd used up his very last lifeline. Albus was certain that the blonde had moved on and was never going to look back.

"No," Albus said simply, "Score won't take me back this time. It wouldn't be fair of me to ask him to."

Rose didn't know if he was right or wrong, she hadn't seen Scorpius in a long time, but her gut told her that of course he would. Her gut told her that Albus and Scorpius were supposed to be together and that they could fix this, that she could help them fix this.

"He won't Rosie," Albus wasn't crying but he wasn't far away from it either.

"Maybe not," Rose begun, "But don't think for one second that our family would judge you for being gay Al, because they wouldn't."

"Oh really, have you _met _my brother?" Albus countered immediately, James would definitely be a challenge to win over, so much so that Albus was relatively sure he would never be spoken to again. And sure, he and the eldest Potter sibling didn't always see eye to eye, but James was his brother, he couldn't afford to lose him completely.

"James does what he's told!" Rose exclaimed suddenly, "Yes he's a complete arse most of the time but he's not going to reject you because of this. Trust me Al." Rose believed what she was saying, Albus could see that, and he so desperately wanted to believe it too, but he couldn't. He just couldn't.

"I can't," Albus couldn't even trust himself when he repeatedly assured himself that no, his mother wouldn't care if he was gay, of course his family wouldn't abandon him. He was afraid. He was selfish and afraid, just like he'd always been. "I'm sorry Rosie, I can't."


End file.
